Tuesday, November 16, 2010

P!nk or Blue?

Congratulations to P!nk and her husband--they're having a baby! It sounds like she's due around the time I am expecting Pepita. I was patiently waiting to hear what celebrity's pregnancy I'd be tracking with my own. I'm glad it is someone like P!nk because I doubt she'll be over the top. She seems reasonably normal and down to earth. I'd invite her to join my play group if she lived nearby.

I'm hoping she shares her pregnancy work out tips. Less exciting will be to see how quickly she loses the baby weight.

She too said she won't find out if it's a girl or boy. Raise your glass to being surprised!

Royal Pain

Congratulations to Prince William and Kate Middleton on their engagement. I don't envy Kate. On the news they addressed her as the oldest woman to marry into the royal family as though she's an old bat. She's only 29. Then they went on to talk about how the world will expect children right away. Three years ago I would have said, what's the big deal? Everyone loves babies! She'll have all sorts of "help" and all the finest baby necessities. Why wouldn't they have a baby right away?

Now I know better. First, it's no ones business when a couple is ready to have children--even if they are to be the King and Queen. Second, biology sometimes doesn't behave. Talk about pressure.

I suddenly became so thankful that not only am I not in the public eye but that my family has never put pressure on me to have a baby. I am very self-conscious of the fact that many people stare at my belly these days. However, who can blame them, it looks like I ate a grapefruit whole. I am pregnant and I dislike the stares--because I'm not "out" to the world yet. I can't imagine what it would be like if all eyes were on my belly for the last few years while we were trying.

Yet another reason why I wouldn't make a good Queen-to-be.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

13th Week Update

I found this on one of the blogs that I follow and decided to "steal" the idea and add some of my own categories:

How Far Along: 13 weeks and 4 days

Next Big Appt/Milestone: Level II Ultrasound/Nuchal Screening tomorrow

Weight Gain: a few pounds since starting treatments 2+ years ago but no weight gain since BFP

Physical symptoms: still nauseated but less than before; always hungry but unable to find food that sounds appealing; trouble sleeping but was never a good sleeper

Cravings: Anything with fake cheese flavor--like Pirate's Booty; Applesauce; pasta

Food Aversions: Meat and chicken; yogurt; ice cream; vegetables

Maternity Clothes: I bought my first pair of maternity Citizens of Humanity jeans. I plan to live in them the next few months as my current jeans are all getting too tight. Otherwise, struggling to keep my secret at work by wearing clothes that are comfortable but not super loose.

Exercise: None other than the occasional walk with a friend

Gender: Not finding out...at least that's the plan for now, no promises

Who I've told: My parents; Max's brother and his wife; our priest; a few friends that have also struggled with infertility; random people I don't know like the lady at the maternity shop, the lady coming to measure for curtains, etc.

Who we'll tell next: Max's parents next time we see them; my boss if all goes well tomorrow; all other friends; and, last but not least: my sister at Thanksgiving

How many people have asked me if I'm pregnant: 1, and I changed the subject

Number of belly stares I get each day: about 100

Emotions: Still scared but a little less anxious with each week that passes

How Max is doing: Seems to be doing great--rubs my belly a lot and talks about Pepita constantly; jokes about how he'll be sleeping in the new guest house one the crying baby arrives

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Meet Pepita!

The ultrasound today put me more at ease. It's hard to go three weeks without seeing the little pepita. It's easy to worry about everything. Nausea becomes extreme hunger--is that normal? I don't wake up to pee in the middle of the night--does that mean something is wrong?

Little Pepita continues to grow and move around in my belly. As you can see in the photo to the right, "she" (we won't find out her sex but given the nickname we refer to her as a girl) has arms and legs. Heartbeat was strong at 152. She was dancing and doing somersaults so it was hard for my doctor to take measurements. She's measuring on target and looks happy in there.

Next week I'll have the level 2 ultrasound for the NT screening. I'm happy to get a chance to see her again soon.

My baby belly is definitely more obvious now but still keeping things mum.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

IVF and the Misconceptions

Today while driving to work I listened to my normal morning radio show--Fernando & Greg on a Bay Area station. I enjoy their banter and perspective on the world as two gay men--especially when it comes to celebrity gossip. They are open-minded, hilarious, and seem like genuinely nice people.

This morning, however, I found their show less amusing. In the "celebrity scoop" they read a story about Mariah Carey and the pregnancy rumors. Apparently, there are reports that she is pregnant after undergoing IVF. The djs' responses were that of surprise and jest because she's married to Nick Cannon--a guy in his early twenties. Why would she need IVF? Maybe she was just too busy with other things was another comment.

It's probably safe to say that Fernando and Greg know very little about IVF. Husband is too young to have issues in that department? If only age was the only culprit. She's too busy and so she decides to do IVF? That is what set me off...are you kidding me? IVF is like a full-time job for must of us. The number of doctor appointments, calls to insurance, ordering meds....the list is endless.

While I don't believe Fernando and Greg meant to be judgemental or hurtful, I wish that story had read differently. Maybe something like:

Congratulations to Mariah Carey! She's pregnant after a long journey of trying to start her family. Like many women, she went through IVF. You go girl!

This really reminded me that people have all sorts of misconceptions about IVF and there's so much to be learned. I appreciate people like Giuliana Rancic and Celine Dion for talking openly about their struggles to conceive and taking some of the stigma away.

Hopefully more people in the public eye will help get the word out--maybe even Mariah?

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


I just received the greatest text message--my dear friend just got a positive test result after struggling with infertility for years also. It's the message I was praying I'd get this week. It's hard to explain but in a way I felt like I was waiting for my own result because I know so well what she's been going through.

I hope she can put the fear and anxiety aside for a bit and enjoy this amazing feeling. I struggled with that. I jumped for joy when I got the call and then my fear took over. I wish I could feel what other "newly pregnant" women get to feel--shock but incredible excitemet and wonder.

Sadly, infertility does make us extra anxious. We've worked SO HARD to get to this place that we don't allow ourselves to get too excited. We know too much. We think too much. We've forgotten what pure elation feels like.

The good news is that we will feel that pure elation when we hold our newborn babies in our arms.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Took your advice...

...we told my parents our news over the weekend while visiting DC!
We were unsure if we would since it's still very early (9 weeks tomorrow!)but our ultrasound last week confirmed everything is right on track.

At dinner Saturday night Max ordered a bottle of cava (Spanish version of champagne). Only three flutes arrived. The fourth came moments later filled with Sprite for me. I told my parents we were working hard to practice our Spanish as we only have 8 months. Then I handed my mother an envelop with a picture of our latest ultrasound.

They were thrilled! My mother promised to keep our secret but we are doubtful that she'll be able to resist telling.

Our next announcement will be on Thanksgiving at my sister's house. Otherwise, we've decided to let me growing belly spread the word.

Other updates: my first OB appointment is on Monday; morning sickness continues but some days are much more bearable than others; my belly is huge by night-time; lastly, "Pipa" is now "Pepita" because Max learned that pipa is something you smoke unless it's plural--then it's "seeds".