Why this beef with eggs?

They've been a sworn enemy all my life. I refused to eat them as a child. I refuse to eat them still today. The consistency, the smell, the science...it all turns me off.

I remember the stink of eggs for months in my dad's car after it got egged on Halloween when I was five years old; refusing to eat my mother's Spanish omlette or cheese souffle because of the oozy egginess; and of course waiting until I was in my late twenties to crack an egg for the first time because I found no value to adding it to a recipe. I must have been desperate to make a cake...

My hatred of eggs continues. Only this time, it's my own eggs that I fear are rotten. Is that why we haven't been able to have a baby during our two years of trying? We've ruled out other possibilities and other than a luteal defect, we're both in good reproductive shape. We'll learn more as we go through our first cycle of IVF in the next few weeks.

I decided to start this blog because keeping my feelings and perpectives in a journal seemed drab. Yet, I feel the need to express myself during this very difficult time. I have found other people's blogs about infertility to be very helpful--especially when it comes to realizing that I'm not alone. I was warned about reading too much on the internet regarding the topic but I can't help myself. I'm in front of a computer all day at work and it's too tempting. Plus, what I've learned has helped me feel more in control of this situation where science is in the driver seat, not me.

As much as I hate eggs I'm learning I hate needles even more. I've always been afraid of them and panicked everytime I had a simple blood test or shot as a child. My fear has grown with age and in this case, practice hasn't made perfect. Each night my husband administers all of my injections. He's not only a very patient man when it comes to dealing with my nervous squeels, he's very talented and quick. He's a surgeon and has clearly had much practice. Good thing we're not both squeamish, I'd be doomed.

I've been on Lupron for a week and will start Menapur and Follistim on Friday. The idea of three daily injections is enough for me to want to vomit but I'm trying to take it a day at a time. I learned a technique during my last round of injectibles (with IUI). If I scream during and shortly after the injection I can tolerate the pain better. Again, good thing I have a supportive husband.

I know that this is all for a good cause...I'm trying to stay hopeful that this will be the time it works!