I admit, I'm a Facebook addict. I change my status only a few times a week but am on Facebook several times a day reading what other people are doing/thinking, seeing vacation photos and keeping in touch with long lost childhood friends. It keeps me entertained and connected.
While in Spain a few weeks ago we found a wallet in the street belonging to Molly, an 18 year old girl from South Carolina. Within minutes I was contacting her and her parents via Facebook letting them know we had her wallet and she could come pick it up at our hotel. I had never met this girl before but I knew her name and knew that she probably had a Facebook profile. Luckily, her parents are hip enough to have profiles too and I was able to reach out to them too. Facebook told me where her dad works and I left him a voicemail at his office. All within literally minutes. Molly had her wallet back within an hour or so.
Privacy concerns aside, the immediate sharing of information and ability to reconnect with old friends is awesome. However, at times Facebook makes infertility that much more difficult. It feels like every week, one friend or another is announcing pregnancy news. New belly photos are posted weekly. Updates on doctors visits are given. Baby name ideas are shared. And then the baby comes...baby's first day home, first trip outside, the list goes on. For the average person these bits of news are sweet and joyous. For someone that can't get pregnant despite many tries, this news is bittersweet--excitement for my friend, hope that I may be next, jealousy that it's not me...yet.
Unlike my pregnant friends, I can't really share news from my doctor appointments as a status update on Facebook. Well I suppose I could, but: "I had three good size follicles on the left side but my uterine lining looks a bit thin" doesn't have the same ring to it as: "I'm having a baby boy!". Plus, who wants to read depressing things on people's status updates? I'm sad to hear when someone's loved one is sick or dies and am eager to reach out to comfort them. But, infertility still seems "silent". It's not something I share with my 300+ "friends" on Facebook. Only a handful of my close friends know about our struggles. My willingness to share early on led friends to open up and I soon found that several of my friends were having trouble conceiving too. I wasn't the only one. It has been helpful to find support among friends. We keep each other positive and encouraged. Still of those friends, only one knows I'm trying IVF. I haven't even shared the details of our attempts with my parents or sister. They know we are trying and that's enough for now. There are times that I want to share more with my friends and family but I'm not ready yet. Unfortunately, you can't tell someone something and then hope they forget it when you decide you want it to be a secret again.
I applaud those that can share openly about their experiences with their loved ones and the world. It reminds me I'm not broken and that this condition is much more common than we all think. I religiously watched Giuliana & Bill (the reality show) each week because I could relate to their struggles. I even convinced my husband to watch with me. I remember watching Giuliana getting her HSG and thinking, "Hey, that's what I had last week!" Her openness to discuss her hardships in conceiving propelled her to the top of my favorite celebrities list. She has helped make this journey less scary for me. I don't know if she's conceived yet but I wish her all the best. Maybe she'll be the pregnant celebrity that I share a due date with!
If I had a reality show (and my husband and I often joke about it because we think our lives are hilarious) maybe I would use it to help infertilty become less taboo. But, until Hollywood calls I'll keep writing this blog and sharing anonymously. Maybe one day I'll go as far as sending this link to family and friends. I'm not ready just yet.
I doubt I'll ever open up about infertility on Facebook for the world to see. But hopefully I'll have a happy status update sometime soon that goes beyond what delicious meal my husband made for me or what awesome pants I bought at Lululemon!
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